Picky eaters! There is hope...
If you have more than one child, you have (or have had) a picky eater. If you have one child, I'd wager that you have at LEAST a 50% chance of having a picky eater. And I do not have any magic words for you. But maybe I can give you some suggestions and some hope. In the form of some stories...
First let me tell you about my friend's child. Let's call her Anna. Anna, from birth has been one of those children who is very particular about tastes and textures. To my knowledge, she is so limited in her diet that she eats cheese sandwiches, cheese pizza, Annie's Mac n' cheese and some fruit, yogurt and maybe a few veg sticks. Her parents enjoy cooking and eating. They eat a vegetarian diet and eat many vegetables and grow a lovely garden. But no change. I'm telling you this because she is now finishing 2nd grade in a private school, is tall and physically strong and very smart. She's fine. Better than fine... Her mom has worked to provide her with the best quality of foods, given her diet, and she's fine. Her mom continues to introduce her to things... most of which she rejects. But I don't think it's a battle.
See, don't panic. But don't give up.
I don't know why some kids are picky. I've heard people say they've had picky eaters and that they finally ate when they were hungry enough. I've heard other say that didn't happen. Maybe they weren't willing to really starve their kids long enough. I don't know. But I do know how helpful it is to share ideas with other parents on how to improve our childrens' diet. Because kids change and you've got to keep up the efforts. It's worth it. But there is a balance to be struck between continuing to introduce new things, and just giving them food they like so that meals aren't just an endless succession of food trials. I think the trick it to keep remembering to find that balance and not get in a rut on either end.
But what is the best way to try? I'm going to tell you how I've had some success, in case you haven't tried any of these ideas. Maybe they'll work for you. See, my daughter is... or used to be a picky eater. I think she has really passed that now. But it still comes up sometimes. She's 4 1/2 now, well... nearly five. But it all started when she was one.
Just before Amelia's first birthday, she stopped nursing. This was the same time my son just stopped, so I didn't worry. I had access to good, fresh goat milk and had been introducing lots of good solid foods over the past few months. But when she stopped nursing, she just stopped eating. Like a hunger strike. No nursing, no goat milk, and not much of anything else. I was freaking out. She was a nice, plump baby and over the next few months, she slimmed right down. Eventually, I discovered what acceptable foods she would eat and got her into a rhythm of eating them so she wouldn't starve. But I was very much in the mindset of having my children eat what the family eats and not always making 'childrens' food'. I wanted my kids to get used to the types of food my husband and I enjoy. Here is what she would eat between the age of 1-3:
That's nearly it. I know that doesn't sound so picky, it's healthy food. She didn't even like pizza! But it was limited by my standards (and compared to her older brother. She also liked a few vegetables and fruits, bread and cheese. But it was NOT working in my ideal.
So do I starve her and only offer what I'm cooking? Do I just make her separate meals every day?
I decided to take a middle path with this one. I did a little of both. See, I really believe in a few things when feeding kids:
First let me tell you about my friend's child. Let's call her Anna. Anna, from birth has been one of those children who is very particular about tastes and textures. To my knowledge, she is so limited in her diet that she eats cheese sandwiches, cheese pizza, Annie's Mac n' cheese and some fruit, yogurt and maybe a few veg sticks. Her parents enjoy cooking and eating. They eat a vegetarian diet and eat many vegetables and grow a lovely garden. But no change. I'm telling you this because she is now finishing 2nd grade in a private school, is tall and physically strong and very smart. She's fine. Better than fine... Her mom has worked to provide her with the best quality of foods, given her diet, and she's fine. Her mom continues to introduce her to things... most of which she rejects. But I don't think it's a battle.
See, don't panic. But don't give up.
I don't know why some kids are picky. I've heard people say they've had picky eaters and that they finally ate when they were hungry enough. I've heard other say that didn't happen. Maybe they weren't willing to really starve their kids long enough. I don't know. But I do know how helpful it is to share ideas with other parents on how to improve our childrens' diet. Because kids change and you've got to keep up the efforts. It's worth it. But there is a balance to be struck between continuing to introduce new things, and just giving them food they like so that meals aren't just an endless succession of food trials. I think the trick it to keep remembering to find that balance and not get in a rut on either end.
But what is the best way to try? I'm going to tell you how I've had some success, in case you haven't tried any of these ideas. Maybe they'll work for you. See, my daughter is... or used to be a picky eater. I think she has really passed that now. But it still comes up sometimes. She's 4 1/2 now, well... nearly five. But it all started when she was one.
Just before Amelia's first birthday, she stopped nursing. This was the same time my son just stopped, so I didn't worry. I had access to good, fresh goat milk and had been introducing lots of good solid foods over the past few months. But when she stopped nursing, she just stopped eating. Like a hunger strike. No nursing, no goat milk, and not much of anything else. I was freaking out. She was a nice, plump baby and over the next few months, she slimmed right down. Eventually, I discovered what acceptable foods she would eat and got her into a rhythm of eating them so she wouldn't starve. But I was very much in the mindset of having my children eat what the family eats and not always making 'childrens' food'. I wanted my kids to get used to the types of food my husband and I enjoy. Here is what she would eat between the age of 1-3:
- Oatmeal for breakfast (thank goodness)
- Egg fried (brown) rice with peas
- Scrambled eggs
- Vegetable and noodle miso soup
- Spaghetti bolognase
- Cottage cheese, cheddar cheese
- Peas, any fruit, carrot, celery and cucumber sticks and cherry tomatoes (in season only)
That's nearly it. I know that doesn't sound so picky, it's healthy food. She didn't even like pizza! But it was limited by my standards (and compared to her older brother. She also liked a few vegetables and fruits, bread and cheese. But it was NOT working in my ideal.
So do I starve her and only offer what I'm cooking? Do I just make her separate meals every day?
I decided to take a middle path with this one. I did a little of both. See, I really believe in a few things when feeding kids:
- Never make mealtime a battle, keep it pleasant
- Parents need to set a good example
- Keep offering new foods
- ONLY offer healthy choices, then let them decide what to put in their mouth
- There are set meal times and only one or 2 snack times available. Nothing else.
This said, here was my approach for her from about 18 months until she was about 4 years old+.
- Breakfast: We were good. She likes what we like. Whew.
- Lunch: Good. I can make us some variation of miso, scrambled eggs and fried rice most days and share it with her.
- Dinner: Here is where I always got stuck. It's it always? But my solution was this:
The 'Happy Snack Plate' plus a 'No-Thank-You portion' of what everyone else is eating.
The No-Thank-You portion was just a nicely presented spoonful of our food. I asked her to try one bite, and no more. If she refused, I didn't care. I would eat it later for my second helping or give it to the chickens. Most of the time, she never touched it. I even offered that she can spit it out if she doesn't like it. It really gives the maximum escape options to a child.
The Happy Snack Plate was the real part. I always tried to include a few different elements:
- A protein: cubes of cheese, ham, chicken. Cottage cheese too (I relied heavily on cottage cheese).
- A carbohydrate: Whole wheat bread, sliced fruit, green peas, cooked noodles or roasted yams
- Vegetables: Frozen peas, nori strips, red pepper slices, and whatever vegetable she finally decided to like.
- Other: frozen blueberries, apple slices, carrot sticks... other reasonably healthy finger foods.
- Water... just water.
This plate was never huge. I gave her enough to live on, but not enough to really fill her up. It was so popular, I started doing it for my son too... since it seemed he would eat this AND his regular food. I started using it for lunch sometimes calling it a 'snack lunch'. It came about from 2 realizations. First, my friend Joelle told me she always made a plate of crudite (fresh raw or lightly cooked vegies and nori strips) her hungry kids could munch on while she was making dinner. The other was observing how much good food kids ate at parties when they could graze a relish tray. Nicely presented finger food is tremendously appetizing to little kids.... and grown ups.
Over the months, the variety of the plate expanded along with her tastes. And she gradually added more regular foods that she would eat.
Find the healthy foods they like, stock up and offer them regularly.
Anyway, fast forward to last September. She was a little over 3 years old and her brother had just started kindergarten. So she and I had 2-3 days per week together where she got ALL my attention. Her brother is a real attention hog (spoiled first son). We sat down every day together and had lunch. One day... very early in this process... she looked at me and said, 'I like to try new things!'
WTF!?!?
And she did!! All of the sudden, she wanted to eat whatever I was eating. She wanted her eggs the way I wanted mine (sunny side up, slightly runny). She took at least one bite of EVERYTHING. And what really blew my mind was how the more dressed up I was, the better she ate.
You read that right. If I was dressed up fancy, she ate better. She liked me better dressed up and fancy. So she wanted to copy me more. And those of you who know me are laughing because you know how I just don't do fancy or dressed up. But last year, I did. At the very least, I wore neaklaces, a scarf and a skirt around the house for lunch. She loved me and wanted to do EVERYTHING for me, with me, and like me.
A year and a half has passed since her brother started school. I've stopped the snack plate and just have her eat along side us. Snack plates keep appearing now and then, but they are not necessary every day. She is skillful with a knife and fork and eats most things we eat. Certainly enough that she won't starve on the odd night she hates what we eat. But one thing was still bugging me. SALAD! She wouldn't touch it. But I'm the type who makes some kind of salad almost every day. It's a tough thing to be left out of in my home.
But just yesterday... the day before my birthday and 2 days before Mother's Day, she asked if she could have some salad. 'Whatever... here you go.' She's tried before and never likes it. I think it's the vinegary taste that bugs her. But she ate it. She ate it.... two bowls of salad. AMELIA LIKES SALAD!!! I grow lettuce and tend to have it from my garden at least 9 months of the year. I put all sorts of goodness in a salad bowl and it's part of my food culture, for sure. It makes me so happy that she's joined me on this and was such a gift.
I'm telling you this because I want you to know that if you keep setting a good example for your kids and find acceptable middle ground with firm rules about food, children will gradually expand their eating. They will. Some will be quicker than others. And all to varying degrees. You'll be surprised about their reasons. Some are totally OCD, and some are just quirky and controlling. But whatever their issues are, it's our job as parents to not give up on them. Training their pallets, eating habits and appetites is one of the best gifts we can give our kids as they grow up. You are giving them health and the ease and happiness that comes from that health. So keep up the good work!
A year and a half has passed since her brother started school. I've stopped the snack plate and just have her eat along side us. Snack plates keep appearing now and then, but they are not necessary every day. She is skillful with a knife and fork and eats most things we eat. Certainly enough that she won't starve on the odd night she hates what we eat. But one thing was still bugging me. SALAD! She wouldn't touch it. But I'm the type who makes some kind of salad almost every day. It's a tough thing to be left out of in my home.
But just yesterday... the day before my birthday and 2 days before Mother's Day, she asked if she could have some salad. 'Whatever... here you go.' She's tried before and never likes it. I think it's the vinegary taste that bugs her. But she ate it. She ate it.... two bowls of salad. AMELIA LIKES SALAD!!! I grow lettuce and tend to have it from my garden at least 9 months of the year. I put all sorts of goodness in a salad bowl and it's part of my food culture, for sure. It makes me so happy that she's joined me on this and was such a gift.
Don't give up on your kid's eating habits!
I'm telling you this because I want you to know that if you keep setting a good example for your kids and find acceptable middle ground with firm rules about food, children will gradually expand their eating. They will. Some will be quicker than others. And all to varying degrees. You'll be surprised about their reasons. Some are totally OCD, and some are just quirky and controlling. But whatever their issues are, it's our job as parents to not give up on them. Training their pallets, eating habits and appetites is one of the best gifts we can give our kids as they grow up. You are giving them health and the ease and happiness that comes from that health. So keep up the good work!